Badly Needed Break

Working for a behemoth company can have its benefits.

Today, as is usual in anticipation of the holiday weekend, we close early so people can get a head start on the holiday. It’s a ghost town, because most folks got this so-called head start last Saturday, and already are where they will remain until next Sunday. If you’ve actually managed to straggle into the office, you’re either hating it because you’re paid by the project, at least one of which isn’t anywhere near completion, the deadline looms and your assistant is already in Cabo; or you’re loving it because you’re hourly, get paid a whole day’s wages for a half a day’s work and can’t wait to get the hell out of Dodge.

Needless to say, I’m stoked.

There is a boulder of salt here: All of the idiocy that I would normally encounter over the course of an eight-hour workday becomes condensed into half that time period, turning my morning into a korporate keystone kops of sorts. I’ve been doing this long enough to know the drill, and have learned to take the preemptive strike. The absolute first thing I do is send out a reminder to everyone that the office is closing at noon (!) so many of the regular afternoon office services will occur early and that anyone needing my assistance ought to let me know as soon as possible.

You have four hours, people. Use them wisely.

Now, the fact that we lock up at noon has been broadcast for at least a week, and as referenced earlier, is standard operating procedure before a company paid holiday such as this one. However, my email seems to arouse some of the office cube zombies, and the quest for fresh brains begins.

With this in mind, I give you the ten lamest questions I fielded today. Enjoy.

1. Wait, what time do you leave today?
2. This packet needs to go Priority. Can it be there by 10:30 tomorrow?
3. How cold is it out there right now?
4. This is so weird. Isn’t Thanksgiving usually the 24th of November?
5. Is the Tokyo office closing early, too?
6. What’s today? Wednesday?
7. Okay, I just read your email. Doesn't the mail get processed at 4:00?
8. How bad will the traffic be, do you think?
9. Oh, right, we’re closing at 12:00. What time zone?
10. How many days until Christmas?

Think, people.